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I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!

[ website | The Sarah B Mixtape-New Music 2009 ]
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hello hello [Dec. 28th, 2006|07:13 am]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
[mood |blankblank]

ohnotheydidnt&hot_fashion are where i spend most of my time on livejournal these days..as you can see by my lack of updates. i am, however, very current on my celebrity gossip HOORAY. having studied every crevice of britney spears'...crevice. ok ew.

the holidays really are the worst time of the year for me. as soon as november comes around my three month streak of severe depression hits. thanksgiving, christmas, and new years only serve as reminders of just how broken my family has become. that and the inevitable 5 pound weight gain...i mean...hard as i try i just cannnnnnot seem to escape food. it's like i go to sleep and even have nightmares of little frosted gingerbread men cookies chasing me with little candycane guns of deliciousness hahah.

everyone keep your fingers crossed that fat is the new skinny for 2007. wishful thinking. yes, i know.

joe was the only one that got me through the entire disgustingly family-oriented month of december for the most part. do you know what it's like to fall asleep and wake up next to the most beautiful person you've ever seen? because i do and he also happens to be my best friend (with benefits haha). i spent the holidays with him and his family so i wouldn't have to be alone for christmas (my grandparents went to san jose and i stayed in sd). look how much prettier he is than i am. OH HELLO THERE FATT ROLLZ :)

i don't really have much else to say right now so here's some christmas photos for your viewing pleasure:

joe/me/familyCollapse )
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no more [Sep. 7th, 2006|05:53 am]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
boyfriend. we split up two weeks ago.

the distance killed it i think.
i guess i'm just too needy in that sense...

it's so strange to go away caring immensely for someone but knowing that it's not working out. so much harder to let go of those you love instead of those you hate.

i've been dating but it just feels so goddamn empty and meaningless....
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picture update [Aug. 14th, 2006|11:51 pm]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!

from last saturdayCollapse )
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hahahahah [Jul. 14th, 2006|06:02 pm]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
'i also met a very sweet boy from long beach.
too bad he just turned 20 today.
feeling like a pedophile haha
he kept kissing me on the top of the head randomly.
i forgot what it feels like to know a boy has a crush on you.
the innocent kind, unperverted kind.
the kind that (as a female) makes you feel very special.
not to mention he was way cute.
the latino boys in southern ca have gotten better looking apparently.'

and then i found out he LIKES BOYS.

god it was kind of funny going back and reading through some old entries.

seriously though, he likes the cock. we're still good friends though :)
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5 years have passed [May. 25th, 2006|02:10 am]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
[music |azure ray-november]

So I'm waiting for this test to end,
so that lighter days can soon begin;
I'll be alone, but maybe more carefree,
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly;

I was afraid to be alone,
but now I'm scared that's how I like to be;
All these faces none the same,
how can there be so many personalities?

So many lifeless, empty hands,
so many hearts in great demand;
and now my sorrow seems so far away,
until I'm taken by these bolts of pain;

But I turn them off, and tuck them away,
until those rainy days that make them stay;
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs,
and the words still ring, once here, now gone;

And they echo through my head everyday,
and I don't think they'll ever go away;
Just like thinking of your childhood home,
but we can't go back, we're on our own;

Ohh. . .

But I'm about to give this one more shot,
And find it in myself, I'll find it in myself;

So we're speeding towards that time of year,
to the day that marks that you're not here;
And I think I'll want to be alone,
so please understand if I don't answer the phone;

I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls,
until I can see nothing at all;
Only particles, some fast, some slow,
all my eyes can see is all I know;

Ohh. . .

But I'm about to give this one more shot,
And find it in myself, I'll find it in myself;
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and you say such pretty words [May. 19th, 2006|10:45 am]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
fuck a pisces. that's enough about that.

diet dr pepper berries & cream for breakfast. mmmm mmm good.

ok...so after being absolutely out of my mind for the last two weeks for the following two reasons:

1. starting on birth control again after being off of it for over a year
2. trying to rid my life of Proactiv

resulting in extreme uncontrollable bitchiness combined with the wonderful sensation of feeling like a big fat ass and bad skin to top it all off...

i've decided to at least get my skin looking nice again so i can start living my life outside of my bedroom walls once more.

i'll still be bitchy and feel like a lardo but hey...at least i won't look like a walking pizza. i guess i'm sticking with proactiv afterall ugh. at least until i get insurance and can see a dermatologist.

and my hair is now a lovely deep brown color.

see you soon world :)

also, i have to sell these amazing shoes

i opened the package and practically jumped up and down when i saw how even more adorable they are in person than they are in pictures. and when they didn't fit me i cried...no really. i was so bummed...but i guess some other girl will luck out

they're supposably a 7.5...but i'd say a very narrow 7.5 or a 7 is more like it.

anyone want to buy them before i put them up on ebay?
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something [Apr. 30th, 2006|03:04 pm]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
[music |young jeezy]

i wish i could learn to love myself as much as he loves me..
or see what he sees everytime i look in the mirror.
maybe i'm missing something?
the medication doesn't help as much as i had hoped it would.
total mess without it...but mildly sane with it.
i guess that's better than nothing.
i had to take all the mirrors out of the bathroom again after having another 'episode' with my face.
fuck :(

ANYWAYS, i opted to stop using proactive on my skin. supposably it's really harsh and causes aging because of the benzoyl peroxide or something. after two years of using it my skin has developed quite the dependency on that stuff...if i literally go ONE single day without following the basic proactive regimen my skin HATES me and is a mess for weeks. so today i went to sephora and origins and the drug store and bought a whole mess of products (for trial and error) because i really am scared shittless of discontinuing my normal routine. this could either be a really good thing...or very very bad. we'll see...

did i mention how much i adore my boyfriend? forgive me for reiterating, but i really have the most amazing boy/best friend in the entire world.

and in celebration of winning these shoesCollapse ) on ebay for $10

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summer days just sittin around but when the sun goes down... [Mar. 28th, 2006|11:14 pm]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |lil rob-summer nights]

ill be ready to party

aint nothin like them summer nightsCollapse )
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(no subject) [Mar. 21st, 2006|01:52 am]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
i'm the luckiest.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Mar. 13th, 2006|02:16 am]
I'm a star! I am a big bright shining star!
i really think i might have found exactly what i've been looking for.
fun, considerate, kind, affectionate, understanding, absolutely fucking beautiful,
every positive adjective you could find in the dictonary, he is.
i don't even know how i am so lucky that this feeling is mutual.
sometimes when i wake up in the middle of the night i roll over and just kiss him on the forehead and play with his hair while he is sleeping.
and sometimes when i am halfway between awake and asleep he does the very same thing to me.
i haven't felt this safe in a very long time.
he makes me feel so special.
let this be the one good thing i don't ruin, please?

l.a. every weekend for the last 5 weeks. so many old familiar faces i've encountered.
it's a drive, but he's worth the distance.

this would be number 3. caught.
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